You would often hear people say, “Oh, he is a fantastic communicator. I love the way he puts his point across” or “Communicating with her is so difficult. I don’t feel like talking to her.”
Each one of us has a unique way of communicating—the way we talk to others, exchange thoughts and information and behave. The ability to communicate well is one of the most important interpersonal skills. Communication patterns are unique and can be broadly classified into four types of communication. Let’s take a look at each of these communication styles in greater detail.
Passive
Passive communicators are usually those people who let others dominate them. They often cannot express their thoughts, needs and emotions.
You are likely to hear them say, “Oh, I didn’t want to do this as I had other plans, but I couldn’t confront her” or “I was really hurt by such ideas, and I wanted to disagree, but couldn’t.”
A passive communicator is used to holding back; his/her lack of communication can often lead to confusion, misunderstanding and conflicts.
A careful look at any person’s body language is likely to give away what kind of communicator he/she is. For instance, passive communicators will avoid looking directly in your eyes. They will have a poor body posture and won’t just say ‘no’ to things. A frequently observed complaint among such people is, “I am always misunderstood and ignored.”
Aggressive
At the other extreme of passive communication lies aggressive communication. Aggressive communicators are loud, demanding, pushy and are prone to using tactics such as blame, intimidation, criticism, threat and even physical assault to prove their point.
Aggressive communicators typically issue orders, bluntly ask uncomfortable questions and are poor listeners. Typically, they come across as impatient people who are not to be confronted. At the same time, their ability to dominate and boss around can make them gain acceptance as leaders. An aggressive communicator is most likely to say, “I want it done and I don’t care how you do it.”
Passive-Aggressive
If we were to colour code the various types of communicators then this is the category that would be labelled grey. Such people remain calm and passive on the surface, and would hardly ever hit back or dominate others. At the same time, they would be seething from inside, resentful and potentially causing discomfort and disruption to others in subtle and secret ways. ‘Accidentally’ breaking delicate things, spreading rumours, sending anonymous hate messages, giving silent treatment or unnecessarily prolonging tasks—are some of the tricks a passive-aggressive person can use to sabotage things.
Think of passive-aggressive behavior as an invisible nylon string that causes you to trip and fall down. When you look around, nobody seems to be there, but you can be sure that passive-aggressive behaviour is at work. You can identify such people by expressions such as clenched fists, cold gaze, icy tone and facial expressions that are in disagreement with the spoken words. Some of the common responses that you get from such people are:
“Let’s do it the way you want” or “I will do whatever you say, but I am not sure how it will turn out.”
Assertive
Assertive communicators are the evangelists and the most effective practitioners of the art of communication. They are open and frank without being dominating and this ability allows them to master the art of business communication. An assertive communicator would clearly outline the needs, expectations, ideas and feelings in a way that is not offensive or suppressive towards others.
An assertive communicator focuses on the greater good and ensuring that everybody is respected and happy. You won’t hear them say, “It’s your fault.” Instead, they will tell you that, “this isn’t the right way to do it. You should try using another approach.”
Becoming an Assertive Communicator is an art that can be practiced with time. You need to learn how to take ownership of the tasks, maintain composure and eye contact while communicating with others, define limits and be able to say ‘no’ confidently. Last, but, not the least, an Assertive Communicator never uses force of action, words or intent to overpower others.
Conclusion
To speak or send messages is an easy task, but, to use the power of communication to achieve desired results is a skill that takes a lot of practice. The good thing is we are all capable of learning and mastering this art.
